For The Love of Parenthood

Taming the Beast That is Mummy Shaming

Taming the Beast That is Mummy Shaming

Mummy shaming has been around since the dawn of time. I’m sure cave women sat and judged their neighbours for the way they raise their kids.

It is human nature to have a judgey thought or two cross your mind. How often have you seen someone wearing something you think doesn’t suit them or hate someone's hair style and those judgey thoughts enter your mind. Most people however have the common decency not to verbalise those thoughts. Unfortunately social media has provided an outlet for the nasties to give an opinion or three with the anonymity of the keyboard.

The problem is you can’t win. Here’s a scenario most mums can relate to. You're in the grocery store and your toddler throws themselves on the floor with a tantrum equal to a volcanic eruption or an earthquake registering 10 on the Richter scale. What happens now, well your so fed up and so exhausted you stand there and sigh and wait until they calm down or “pretend” to walk away so they come screaming after you. The response by onlookers is often scowling because you aren’t “controlling” your child and what a terrible mother you must be to have a kid so out of control. Also, the look that says “my children would never have done THAT”.  They forget what it was like to have toddlers.

The other way to deal with it is to get down to your child’s levels get your mum finger out pointing it at them while telling them they get no rides or treats until they behave. You look up and the onlookers are giving the child a look of sympathy for have such a strict mother. Basically, your screwed either way.

Sadly, other mothers can often be the worst culprits

It is time to put a stop to it. We need to adjust our thinking and ask ourselves what this poor mother might be going through. Having an autistic son, I have enjoyed many a scowling look from onlookers while he has a meltdown. My go to sentence is “excuse his behaviour he’s autistic”. To be honest why should I even have to justify my son or myself. It’s no one’s business.

The other day I was getting groceries when I saw 3 small children with unbrushed hair and looking a bit scruffy. To my shame those judgey thoughts crept in until I looked up to see an exhausted mother with a baby on her hip. This poor woman had dark circles under her eyes and just look defeated. She may have been recently left by the father or widowed and raising 4 kids alone, she may be unwell, and her partner works away or she’s a single mum so has to wrangle the kids while feeling like crap. My point is before we think bad thoughts remember we don’t know the whole story.

Lets stop the madness and when a judgey thought enters your mind or your keyboard remember we never know what’s going on in a persons life. Your snippy comments on a Facebook post may be the last straw for a struggling person.

Don’t be the one that hurts other people. Make positivity mainstream not meanness.

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The Marvels & Misdemeaners of Parenting

The Marvels & Misdemeaners of Parenting

Having had 5 kids over 17 years means I’ve seen a bit of everything so have decided to share what I’ve learnt. Kids are an oxymoron wrapped up in an enigma. Men say women are hard to figure out but that’s nothing compared to kids.

 When preparing for motherhood we’re all told of the miracle of birth and the bonding of mother and baby but often we’re not given all the facts. Friends and family will either tell you of the wonders or scare you senseless with horror stories. The purpose of my blog is a real and honest look at raising children and still maintaining your sense of humour and sanity with the occasional cloth nappy advice thrown in.

Lets start with birth, it’ll hurt, no amount of hoping and sticking your head in the sand will change that. The good news is women don’t have to bite on a stick anymore, there are drugs available to help, sadly they don't give you drugs to get through motherhood lol. The only people that want a “natural birth” usually are women that haven’t given birth before. The thing to remember is while it’ll be the worst pain you’ll experience (if you aren’t medicated),  it’s also the easiest to forget.

The moment that baby's body slides out you’ll feel the biggest sense of relief you’ll ever know. It’s a really impressive high. From that moment on you’ll have someone who will love you unconditionally for the rest of your life. From that moment you’ll also have someone that will cause you to consider adopting a drinking problem when it’s a teen.

Here’s some points to remember:

  • While most mum's bond with their baby straight away, not everyone does. Sometimes it takes times which is fine and normal.
  • Don’t let anyone make you do something you don’t want to do. Whether it’s bottle or breast, cloth or disposable nappies, this baby is yours to raise how you want. When you receive a billion pieces advice from many good intentioned people including those with no children the best way to handle it is smile politely and do what you want.
  • When you get home from the hospital enjoy your baby. They grow up quick. The housework can wait.

To finish off I’ll leave you with this thought - be grateful your baby cant talk. We spend ages trying to get them to say mum only to wish we hadn’t because they spend the rest of your life yelling “mmmuuummmm” from the other end of the house.